SHAME

from Pride and Shame on Youversion

“You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Ever heard those words before? From a teacher, a parent . . . or perhaps even yourself? Shame (and its close cousin guilt) is one of the most effective tools for emotional manipulation, and while it can have an outwardly positive effect on our behavior (at least in the short run), more often it simply reinforces the negative thought patterns that motivated us to do wrong in the first place. Shame in our minds and in our hearts can make us feel bad for what we’ve done, but it’s powerless to ensure we’ll do right the next time. In reality, it churns us more than it turns us.

And that’s the enemy’s strategy.

The enemy doesn’t want us to turn away from wrongdoing, but he does want to make us feel bad for doing it, and he walks a fine line to make sure our negative feelings don’t lead to real action. The longer he can keep us both miserable and unrepentant, the better. Once he’s got us there, he wants us to stay there.

Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.

‭‭Romans‬ ‭6:12‭-‬14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

In light of the misery that shame can bring, it seems a far cry from the selfish pleasure of pride – how can the two possibly be connected? Pride is usually a positive emotion (even if misguided), whereas shame . . . not so much. What’s the link?

The connection is the self. Both pride and shame flourish in the heart and mind of a person who is focused primarily on his or herself. Both of them center around what I’ve done (good or bad) and how I perceive myself (good or bad), and they both tend to ride on the waves of performance and the whims of opinion. When I perform well, I’m proud of myself, but when I don’t perform well, I’m ashamed of myself. When everyone looks at me and admires me and says great things about me, I’m proud of myself, but when they talk about me behind my back, ridicule me, and laugh at me, I’m ashamed of myself. A young girl may feel proud that she is dating the most popular guy in school and then shame when she ends up pregnant.

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Are we hopelessly caught in this cycle of performance and others’ opinions? Is there any alternative to this sort of existence? Yes, there is . . . but the solution is more radical than you might think.

Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else.

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus.

God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:1-‬9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Prayer: Lord, thank You for not manipulating me through shame, but for drawing me away with Your grace. Help me identify those areas of my life where shame has a hold on me and help me to recognize that the enemy would like nothing more than to keep me trapped there. You, Lord, offer a different way, and because Your Son made the way – because He is the Way – I can live free of that shame as I cling tightly to Him and the forgiveness He offers. Teach me to do that in Jesus’ name, Amen.